Another example of this shows up in the movie "Up in the Air."  George Clooney's character has the difficult job of flying around the country to deliver the news to employees of various companies that they are being laid off.  What he tells these people, as a corporate statement and yet with a ring of truth, is about how glad they will be five years from now when they have a better job, how much more time they can spend with their family, or how they can now finally do some of those important things they have been putting off.

The opposite of the Glad Game is negativism and "saying no."  The word "no" communicates a need to stop, or to moderate something that is happening or being proposed.   "No" is a denial of approval or validation for what we are doing.   Each person has a different tolerance level and sensitivity to how, and how much, they interpret something to be negative.  Negativity keeps people and teams stuck by stifling creativity and innovation, and this in turn hinders positive change and problem solving.

However, the irony of No is that it must be understood and used.  "No" keeps a person or team from going down a wrong path or taking inappropriate action.   "No" keeps the larger, more important, path in focus.  The challenge for leaders, and anyone, is to say no when it is necessary to, and in a way that keeps things moving forward.  

"No, we will never do that!" - This statement can easily be interpreted as very negative.  How negative it is would depend on the speaker's body language, vocal tone, what "that" is, and the receiver's sensitivity level for negativity. 

While considering the situation and the receiver, try using these statements instead to make your "No" message less negative:

"Right now, we are planning to do something else."

"In a different situation, we might actually do that." 

"We have found out that when that is done here, these things happen."

"What alternatives might there be to that?"

The less negative a statement is perceived to be by the receiver, the more solutions open up.  Less negativity tends to allow and enhance innovation, participation, creativity and problem solving.

The challenge is to remove both negativity and perceived negativity.  A simple approach is to practice saying the same thing in a reworded fashion, still geared toward positive results.  Modify the statement to have the same meaning and work on removing negative words like "no," "never," "but," and "can't."  It takes practice and commitment to change the words we use and our way of communicating.  It is a new habit that can be learned, and should be practiced until it becomes an effortless way of communicating.

Almost all the really good work I did as a manager I learned how to do after becoming a parent.  I learned that my baby got hungry on his timetable and not mine.  I learned to be flexible and adaptable. I learned that I could have some influence and adjust the times he slept and got hungry - but it took patience and discipline.  I learned that not all babies were created equally. Baby number two wasn't content to just sit and play with his with food.  Being flexible, having patience, creating discipline and adapting to individual styles were all management skills I learned real-time from being a parent.  Unconsciously I applied these skills to managing professionals in a corporate setting.  I have taken many management courses - however, having the experience of being a parent is where the application became much more honed and real for me.

One lesson I took to heart from a parenting book was about ensuring that you give more positive than negative feedback.  It turns out this is also a component in building high-performing teams.   For example, in teaching one of my sons to use eating utensils, rather than repeatedly saying things like "No, don't stick the fork in your ear," I would say, "The fork only goes in your mouth."  The objective is to communicate and keep the focus on the positive.  Hence when I did screech "no" on occasion, they did listen. "No" was a serious redirection and rare word.  I unconsciously kept this habit in place as a manger.  I would rephrase and redirect to a more positive perspective, bypassing the negative options.  The trick is to redirect positively and also not lose the original message by being too positive or too polite or too nice.  Somehow it worked; my son no longer puts his fork in his ear.  Again, another parenting skill unconsciously applied in the corporate world.

The positive/negative ratio in communication is a real measurement that has been applied to teams, individuals, and even to marriages.  The higher the ratio of positive to negative, the more likely the team is to be a high-performing team.  High-performing teams are more innovative, creative, flexible, and they tend to flourish more.  The measurement is determined by counting the instances of positive versus negative feedback.  Roughly interpreted, those that have a P/N (positive to negative) ratio of five or more are considered to be higher performing. 

The challenge is to become aware of the number of positive and negative statements made over a time period.   To improve performance, increase the number of authentic positive statements, while keeping their intent intact.  Each statement below is a similar way of saying the same thing and each has a different level of negativity, positivity, and clarity:

"You must be stupid because you put the fork in your ear. "

"No more putting a fork in your ear."

"Never put a fork in your ear again."

"The fork only goes into your mouth."

"Eating works best when the fork goes into your mouth."

"Notice how your brother puts the fork in his mouth."

"You are smart; I know you can figure out where the fork goes."

Practice rephrasing to positive statements without losing the clarity of intent from your initial message.