1. Welcome to Elements!
The focus of this edition is on balance. It looks at balance in
a non-traditional way and explores what being in and out of
balance might look like. It also presents some ideas for moving
towards balance.
I am always struggling to stay in balance. My own personal
experience tells me that just when I think I’ve got things
balanced, is just about the time things fall out of kilter and I
find myself needing to rethink, readjust, and rebalance! I’ve
managed to be able to arrange my paid work around my kids’
school and sport schedules, so I can be at their events. Yet
last week, no matter how hard I tried, my son's last football
game of the season was rescheduled to the day I was leading a
workshop. I chose to miss his football
game, however the same thing happened last year, with my other
son, and I cancelled my paid job to get to his last hockey game.
It's not because one son is a better athlete or I love one more.
It had to do with the circumstances. In one case it was my
son's last high school varsity hockey game, in the other case,
there are potentially 4 more years of high school football games
ahead of me. In addition, one workshop was for a new
client, the other workshop was for a client I've been working
with for five years. The lesson for me here was that being
able to keep in balance requires unique solutions to each
situation. One size doesn't fit all.
Another example is that after my ex-husband died, I made a
choice to forgo pursuing additional income and instead focus
much more strongly on the health and well-being of myself and my
family. And I did do this. I spent lots of time and energy
dealing with the emotional and physical requirements of a death
in the family. Ironically, that same year, I gained several
wonderful new big clients and had the best year financially
since I had shifted my business to coaching and leadership -- a
year when those kinds of gains would not have been expected.
Because
of the choice I had made to truly “take care of business” – my
family's – it seemed to translate over to my revenue-producing
business in an unexpected way.
The lesson I take from this is that when you do what is right
for you, trust that the rest of it will take care of itself and
balance out!
So as the end of the year comes closer, and thoughts of
completion and new beginnings come to mind, you may find you
want to assess your own life for “balance.” If so, please email
or give me a call to arrange for a sample complimentary coaching
session. Coaching can be a great way to move into a new year of
possibilities!
Wishing you balance and harmony, for the holidays, and for life!
Star (978)
486-4603
www.stardar.com
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This woman is one of the world’s most successful leaders.
She was an executive and a fundraiser of epic stature, and is
even mentioned in this way in the Lynne Twist book, The Soul
of Money. She perceived a need that was unfilled and
did something about it. She created an organization
against all odds, formulated its
constitution, and grew it to be established in
at least 120 countries.
 In her own words, it is her beliefs about balance that moved her
forward on her path, and to "strike a proper balance between
earth and heaven." She found the balance between
having, and effectively using, a strong will, while also
offering herself in complete surrender to God. She is described as both a
grounded being and a transcendent soul.
Listening to her story you frequently hear her speak of
following a new direction. She says things like, "I knew where I
belonged, but didn't know how to get there," revealing that her
leadership extended to and through times of great uncertainty.
Many times it took a number of years to get where she wanted to
be, where she “belonged”, having nothing but remarkable vision
and faith.
Mother Teresa is the executive, visionary, and proponent of
balance I am speaking about. She is an inspiration -- remaining
balanced, energized, motivated, enormously competent, and
balanced even when faced with difficulty, contradictions, and
impossible odds.
References:
Mother Teresa a Simple Path
The Soul of Money by: Lynne Twist
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Imagine children balancing on a see-saw or people on amusement
park rides, think of a seal balancing a ball, or yourself trying
to cross a narrow bridge over turbulent rapids! What do you
notice is similar in all cases? There is movement – from tiny
adjustments to large erratic shifts -- that keeps things in
balance. For living beings, constant adjustments of varying
degrees are required to stay in balance. The need for
adjustment can come from both external and internal causes. A
blustery wind could be an external cause that would require
movement to compensate, brace, and shift weight when crossing
the bridge. The internal desire to fidget on a ferris wheel,
roller coaster, or see-saw requires movement to stay in
balance. The consequences of being out of balance can have a
range of impact – from immediate life-threatening ones, to
longer term effects, to possibly no impact, depending upon what
is out of balance, how badly, and how long.
In our professional and personal lives we are constantly making
trade-offs. We make small ones like what events to attend, who
to talk to, what foods to eat; and larger ones like what job to
pursue, what projects to take on, what communities or
organizations to join, and where to take up a leadership role.
The need to rebalance is sometimes uncomfortably forced on us by
external circumstances like a company merger, a project shutting
down, a personal health challenge, or the death of a family
member. Sometimes the need to rebalance comes from your own
insights, or the lessons you or your team have learned by
working together.
Balance is much more than just time management. While time
management is important, it only accounts for how your time is
spent. It doesn't speak to the more important issue of what you
are doing with that time and where it is taking you.
Here are some examples from my coaching practice. Once these
situations were recognized as being clearly out of balance, it
was relatively easy to create a structure or plan to make
appropriate adjustments and regain a desirable balance.
Unbalanced Values
– Taking responsibility – “being responsible” -- is an important
value for many people. When this otherwise commendable value
takes over, situations can go out of balance, and an individual
can suffer. I have seen people taking on enormous loads because
of the perceived responsibilities they believe they have to
fulfill for their family, their team, their company. By
recognizing the need to rebalance and integrate other values, it
makes it easier to be more successful in the workplace. And
this, in turn, allows a person to feel much more aligned and
fulfilled.
Management/Leadership Fit
- Leadership is concerned with change, and management keeps
things running smoothly the way they are. A new project that has never been done before
and for which no experience has been accumulated requires much
more leadership skill (to move through change and the
unknown) than management skill. Doing a project that has been
repeated over and over requires more the strength of management
skills. People naturally fall more on one side than the other
on the manager/leader fence. Those who tend to focus more on
movement, flux, and change are often found in leadership roles,
while those who keep the status quo healthy and maintain daily
processes in good order gravitate to management roles.
Some
people find they have to adapt their style to lead or manage
based on the environment around them. Some people never realize
they are true leaders until they are put in a situation that
requires it. Projects and teams can be out of balance if
leadership skills are what is needed, yet the natural tendencies
of the team and appointed leaders are more of those reflecting a
management style. And the reverse can also be true. Click here
to see if you are more of a manger or leader
http://kathycannon.com/design/lm_selftest.html
Creating balance requires some diagnosis and action. Here are
some generic steps:
#1 - Develop Awareness
of “what is” -- now, this minute, hour, day, week, month, year,
decade for you, your family, your team, your company, your
country, the world -- whatever level you choose to focus on. You
can focus on any group at any level to gain increased awareness.
Ask yourself: What is working and not working? What am I
feeling anxious or uncomfortable about? Why do I feel confused
or conflicted about this situation?
#2 - Analyze and Diagnose what and where things may be out of balance. Is it a value or an
activity that is being inappropriately promoted, or perhaps
going un-addressed? Is there a style or role disharmony, as
described above? What seems “off” or out of balance about the
situation?
#3 - Get Clear
on the direction, or goals, or way of being you, your family,
your team, your company, your country or the world wants to head
toward or become like.
#4 - Create a workable structure with balanced segments that make sense to you, your family, or
group. Begin to look at the elements required for a plan to
rebalance. Know what the segments are you want to focus on and
keep in balance:
Sample segments
to balance for a manager (click for wheel):
-
organizing and staffing
-
planning
-
budgeting
-
controlling
-
promoting order
-
promoting change
-
setting vision
-
aligning people
-
motivating and inspiring
Sample life segments to keep in
balance (click for wheel):
-
money
-
family
-
fun and
recreation
-
physical
environment
-
job/career
-
personal growth
-
health
-
friends
Sample project
segments to balance (click for wheel):
-
cost
-
meeting milestones
-
tracking status
-
team
-
clients/customer
-
sponsor
-
issue resolution
-
quality
Job
Performance Wheel
Blank wheel to create
your own
All these segments are areas you can choose to incorporate,
focus on at different times, and monitor your progress in.
#5
- Monitor
how things feel for balance, readjust, start back at #1.
If you find that things seem stuck, are not moving
forward, not progressing, or if there is not a feeling of
fulfillment, it might be time to check if you or your team is
appropriately balanced and moving in the desired direction. If
not, it may be time for those large or subtle adjustments to
bring things back in balance, so that both maintenance and
forward movement can continue.
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People with great gifts are easy to find, but symmetrical and
balanced ones never. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson
Democracy is not an easy form of government, because it is never
final; it is a living, changing organism, with a continuous
shifting and adjusting of balance between individual freedom and
general order. - Ilka Chase
Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance and order
and rhythm and harmony. - Thomas Merton
I
always try to balance the light with the heavy – a few tears of
human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes. -
Bette Middler
Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to
keep his balance.
- Pope John Paul II
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The “Shoulds” –
This is what may have crept up
when we think we are in perfect balance, but are somehow still
feeling unfulfilled, not happy, or possibly even unsettled.
The segments we use for balance, our beliefs, behaviors and
actions are all things we think we SHOULD be doing. We
should attend that meeting, we should take on that
project, or cook or entertain more, or go for that promotion.
Our sense of what others think, or our belief in what duty
and responsibility mean, have taken over and become more
important than what makes our lives and projects fulfilling
for us. A possible solution? Get clear about your beliefs,
needs, and wants, and incorporate them into your time in order
to create better balance. If sketching or singing, gardening,
volunteering, travel, learning home repair, creating warm
memories with friends and family, or any other activity or
dimension of fulfillment that you can think of would make your
life feel more richly satisfying, DO IT. At the very least, it
will contribute to a sense of internal
balance, something that can often have a positive effect on
even an unchanged outer situation.
Too Separate
- Sometime the segments we
focus on in our lives cause us to act and behave as if we have
many separate and disconnected lives. When it requires lots of
work to keep the distinct segments separate, rebalancing may be
required. Some examples of this are when spouses have an
extramarital affair, when a secretly liberal person in a
conservative work environment never expresses their
personal/appropriate point of view, or when a complete
separation of work and home issues seems to be in place. All of
these are red flags that can point to an out-of-balance
situation. In some cases, finding small ways to integrate
various segments can create better balance.
Having family pictures at work, or announcements of your
out-of-work activities posted (such as choral, quilting,
theater, or sports groups, art or cooking or photography
exhibitions), or sharing about work at home, or giving a tour of
your workplace to friends or family during off hours so they can
see another part of your life, all can contribute to integration
and balance.
Too Integrated
- Everything and everyone you
work and live with is part of your life -- personal and
professional. It might be time to look at creating some
separate areas that don't overlap and integrate quite as much.
This “closeness” can be typical behavior for a start-up company
and can easily create an out-of-balance situation if it isn’t
adjusted over time.
Forgetting to Personalize it
- To be in balance is
unique for each person, project and company. It's never
quite exactly like someone or something else. A
formula designed
for one person or situation may not work for you, and even
something that has succeeded for you may not necessarily work
the same way twice. Adapt and learn from what is out there and
be prepared to customize what you find to meet your needs. Even
the traditional balance "segments" described above may not all
apply to you or not exactly. So personalizing the areas and ways
to balance in your own life is always a “custom job!”
Accepting
Readjustments - What works now and has for
years may no longer be effective. To readjust may take a very
different way of thinking and doing than it did before.
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A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers
will Rule the Future by Daniel H. Pink. This is a business book, yet it integrates business and the
personal. The author states that the left brain
activities of logic and analysis are the ones that have been the
basis for the success of the US economy until now.
However, because of the abundance of material goods we already
have, the
outsourcing of more fields of work to Asia,
and ever-increasing automation, business in the US will require
more right brain thinking in order to be successful in the
future.
The strengths of the right brain allow us to design, innovate, tell
stories, make meanings, engage in constructive and joyful play,
and to increase our capacity for empathy because of the imaginative
function – the right brain allows us to imagine situations and
possibilities other than our own. The future MBA may turn out
to be an MFA!
No need to worry, right brain tendencies are like a muscle –
they can be developed!
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I just got back from St. Louis, where I attended the
International Coaches Conference. The conference was inspiring
and motivating. There were over 1,300 coaches in attendance
from 33 countries. Because I believe in the power of
coaching, one thing I committed to start again in my coaching
practice was to have at least one pro-bono coaching client for
a three-month period. If you know someone who is interested
in a coaching experience, I have one open slot starting in
each of these months – Dec. 2006, March 2007, June 2007 and
Sept 2007. Please contact me so that I can determine that
their situation is one that is appropriate for and would
benefit from coaching. I am looking for someone who is willing
to commit to the coaching process because of a strong desire
and intention to make a change in their personal or business
life, and who may have trouble paying the regular fees.
I
look forward to a return to being able to offer coaching in this
way. I am grateful to be able to pass it along.
Elements December 2006
Written by: Star Dargin
Edited by: Diane Johns
Personal submissions will only be published with permission from
the submitter, who is responsible for ensuring rights to the
material. Based on your preference, submissions can be published
anonymously.
The opinions expressed in Elements are the author's viewpoint.
While every effort has been taken to verify the accuracy of the
content, such information is subject to change without notice.
Elements is not responsible for inadvertent errors.
Star Dargin is an executive and leadership coach, and
consultant. She collaborates with individuals and teams to
provide focus and balance in achieving results.
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