Sneaky little questions that create direction-altering insights and actions are the best. Those are the questions I'm constantly striving to uncover. They are there and it can take work to find them! That work includes asking more questions and listening to find "the golden question!"

The golden question leads you closer to the desired destination and is powerful. Powerful questions create clarity, connection, and action. Questions are keys to unlocking stuck places and avoiding unwanted side trips. When a question creates a pause, a sharp intake of breath, a wow, or a hmmm, I know I am on the right track. Asking great questions is a skill that can be learned.

What do a leader and a 4-year-old have in common? The number of questions they ask! In one study it shows that the average number of questions asked by a 4-year-old is 400 per day and a 47-year-old only asks 4 questions per day! A successful leader asks many questions and has learned the art and science of asking good questions. Questions become the guideposts on the path; they take you to a destination, and they keep you on the path. They can help you learn, to understand, and to solve problems. Without questions the path can be slower, stalled out or stuck!

A question takes you someplace. Hopefully it's where you want to go! At the core of a good question is effective communication. Effective communication starts with a goal. What is the goal of the communication? Questions can help you in:

- Learning and Discovery

- Creating something new

- Ensuring understanding - yours and theirs

- Applying existing knowledge to similar problems

- Relationship strengthening

- Trust building

- Analysis of a situation or an issue or a relationship

- Problem solving

- Creating a conclusion or evaluation

How can you use questions to figure this stuff out? Asking good questions requires letting go of what you know; not telling someone the answer; and when someone answers a question, listening with an open, spacious mind in order to understand the answer.

Questions come in many shapes and sizes. All questions have the possibility to take the listener someplace. The same question can be used for good or bad, depending on the questioner's intention or motive. For example, asking someone a question like "Where are you challenged?" -- if the goal of communication here was betterment, we may discover a way to improve; if the communication goal was to find a weakness, the results could be the loss of a job. Frequently in communication, the goal or intention of a question is unconscious or unclear. This is especially true in email and other social media because of the lack of voice tone or visual body language to help with interpreting intent.

When lack of clarity or context for a question is missing, try asking the other person what they are trying to figure out. For example, if someone asks you "Do you like project ABC?," there could be many types of non-obvious communication goals embedded in that question. Some might be: Would you consider working on project ABC?; Do you have any objections to project ABC? ; What gossip have you heard about ABC?; Should we shut down project ABC?

When a lack clarity or context for the question is missing, try asking, "What are you trying to figure out by asking that question?"

The Answer - The Other Side of a Question

A good question builds on, and responds to, a previous answer. A good questioner:

- Doesn't ask multiple rapid-fire questions

- Allows time, and waits for the answer

- Listens to the answers at all levels, using context, vocal and visual cues

- Adapts and adjusts the next question based on the previous answer and cues

- Probes for understanding of the answer

- Builds on the answer

- Knows when to be quiet

- Knows when to stop asking questions

How can you know the answer, if you don't know the question? Leaders start with questions. Questions are the guideposts to lead you to a destination.

Below is a list of questions to start with, based on where you might want to go. The questions create a path and are boundary markers for the journey. They are open-ended and short and can be used in most situations.

When I started coaching I would keep a similar list of questions in front of me, for quick reference. It is a challenging, achievable skill to not give your opinion, to not tell people answers, to not try to solve a problem!

Communication Goal: Getting Unstuck, Gaining Clarity

Questions that inspire people to reflect and see things in fresh, unpredictable ways:

What's stopping you?

Who's stopping you?

Why not start now?

What do you need to say NO to?

What's getting in the way?

What do you need to say YES to?

What's the most important thing here?

What is important?

What values does this represent, to you?

What additional information is needed?

Who do you need to talk to?

General Questions: To Help Determine "What's Next"

Now what?

Then what?

Can you say more?

What else?

Questions for Analysis/Clarity/Challenging Assumptions

These questions allow for breaking down assumptions and beliefs, so breakthroughs can occur:

Can you explain the situation?

How did this work?

What else happened?

What does ABC mean to you?

What do you mean?

What does it feel like?

Can you describe it a different way?

Is there a metaphor for it?

Is there something similar?

What did you learn from this?

Why did it work this way?

Can it be done a different way?

Questions to Move to an Action/Plan

What steps need to be taken to get there?

What skills, behaviors and actions are needed to achieve the outcome you want?

What is the plan?

What is the title of the plan?

What's next?

What resources are needed to make the plan?

What information is neeed to make the plan?

How does it align with your goal/vision of ABC?

Where does it not support your goal/vision?

Questions to Help Articulate Outcome, Goals, Results

What do you want?

How would it be if it were already done?

How will you know if you have the outcome you wanted?

What are your goals?

What is the vision?

What might the vision look like?

How will it make you feel to achieve it?

What does success look like?

What are your top 3 priorities today? This month? This year? This life?

How much will it cost?

What's the real cost?

How long will it take?

What are the top 3 risks?

How will you know if you have succeeded?

Questions to Build Accountability and Ownership

The use of "we" and "our" in asking questions creates a sense of building something together, which also helps create shared ownership of a solution or a project. For example:

Asking "Based on your experience, what should WE do here?"

Versus

"What should YOU do?"

Asking "How will WE know if it succeeds?"

Versus

"How will YOU know if it succeeds?"

Sometimes using "we" or "our" changes the context of the question; it may expand or shrink the question. For example:

"What are YOUR top three risks?"

Versus

"What are OUR top three risks?" (In this case, each version of the question may elicit very different answers!)

Questions to Help Build Relationships

How has ABC been going?

What do you like best about ABC?

What do you like least about ABC?

What works best for you about our relationship?

What do you want to be different in our relationship?

Question Tennis

Monty Python's 3 Questions

Charles Question-Answering Record

No More Questions from StoryCorps

Enjoy!